What all I have,
To start with
have u n only you.
.
Do you recall
The first day we met
Was raining all the day
I saw you there
standing alone
watching them, kids play.
.
Can see it all
Like a video tape
from Umbrella to date
First kiss we had
You moving in
The fun we had
N the love we’ve made
.
What a day it was
When she was born
With tiny amber eyes.
She laughed n laughed
And stopped a bit
Then cried, cried n cried.
.
She went to school
Then lost a tooth
That roller coaster ride.
What a life it was
Went like a dream
Too perfect for a life.
.
Then it came
N knocked me down
N Took her far away.
tell me a thing
That I could do
To force her to stay.
.
What all I have,
To start with
have u n only you.
I can see the struggle in your work.
The progress of the relationship is fully dveloped.
However,
using letters as substitutes for actual words is really primary school.
You also re-used “N” in different stanzas making your work confusing.
make the effort and write out the actual words
because your words have special meanings
and are not meant to be written in mobile device or graffiti mode.
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Thanks for your inputs 🙂 I’ll try my best to improve.
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